I feel like writing. Its been a long time. I guess this will be one that i write about myself. To many things in my mind but that is every day with me. I deal with loneliness a lot lately. All my very close friends live out of state. So i try to leave alot. Well visit other places. Money is kind of tight but i do save up for these trips mostly.
I never felt i belonged here in Alabama. Me and this place do not fit at all. I hate football and everything about it. Pretty much treated like an outcast to most people here become of that fact. I think that is sad and sick and stupid. At least that how people judge me becomes of that. It i feel like if i don't think or like what everyone else does then i shit to them all. Trust me i don't fall for it. I don't want to like or be like anyone by who i am.
I know i not a bad person. I am to nice sometimes. At work i am not so nice i rather people just leave me the fuck alone. For the most part people do leave me alone. I will try to explain when people ask me how i am doing i rather say nothing at all. But i seem to give a smart ass answer like I don't know i haven't thought about it. That seem to shut people up most don't know what to say to that. Which i guess is my point. I just want to do my job and go home. Well you also got to understand there is to much drama at work. Everything you say the whole building will pretty know but the end of the day if not sooner. I stay out of that shit. So yeah i am alone at work.
My A.D.D. been pretty bad lately at least that what i think it is, i must of started 3 movies and shows yesterday and still really couldn't just sit and watch one all the way through. I am like what the hell is wrong with me. I am antsy. I feel like i want out but at the same time i don't. Listen to music is pretty much the only thing i can do everyday. It still sometime the only thing that can put me in a good mood.
I still want out though mostly out of this state. But not sure how to do that yet. I got some debt trying to pay off before i can even think about doing that. I really don't get out much anymore but to work. I go to therapy once a week though . I don't go to my NA meetings no more right now. Long story to much click high school evil bullshit mostly is the reason why. And honestly i have not thought about using or drinking in years. Shit you could even though it in my face and i would not think of using it.
Not sure why i am writing this. I guess mostly for myself i don't really think anyone really read my shit anyway. of course its been a long time sense i wrote anything. Mostly my typos have gotten really bad i hate it. My spelling has always been bad but the typos are very bad lately. I guessing i am writing to find some type of connection to myself somewhere i don't know. I don't even know if i am making any sense either.
Like my tittle of this blog I am just a boy with silly dreams. Well i will be a year older this Thursday i don't look forward tot hat no more. It not like i am going to have a party or anyone going to through one for me or anything. Or invite me out or anything that. I will just go to therapy that day and do nothing like i always do.
I am bored all the time now. Looking forward to going to Ohio at the beginning of June though counting down the days to get out of this place for a little while. Well i guess i will stop before i start to repeat myself.
oh i started watching American Horror Story very cool show i think so. I only seen the first 3 episodes very cool i like it. Well i'll shut up now.
